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Everything That Should Happen in the Gilmore Girls Netflix Episodes, But Won’t: A Manifesto

Hailey

Hailey

Hailey is another talented writer in Brooklyn, and in this case Twitter's loss is SportsAlcohol.com's gain. You can see how she tries to help improve the world here. Her mom calls her HailBail.
Hailey

Gilmore Girls is coming back. The sardonic, loquacious WB series featuring fleshed-out female characters, jabs at The Strokes, at least one Elvis Costello song, a Kim Gordon appearance and a stream of Dorothy Parker references will grace your Netflix queue in somewhere between one to a million years, it’s said. Your Gilmore Girls Netflix queue will actually have new episodes. Celebrate.

As we all know, with every announcement of revived comedy-dramas about single moms raising bookworm daughters comes endless shouts from the void:

The age of the reboot! Wet Hot American Summer was funny! What about Arrested Development? Are they really bringing back Coach? TV should end forever. Binge culture is hell!

There is a gnashing of teeth. Earthquakes settle over the Earth, raging for all eternity. The shouts continue:

Predictions! Rory on Tinder? Grindr? Marriage? Uber! Babies. Is Luke real? Independence, Jess, gluten, mine shaft. Emoji! Emily. Venmo.

Adding to the noise, then, here are eight things that should happen in the new Gilmore Girls Netflix episodes, but definitely won’t.

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BEST TV OF 2014: OUR TOP TEN

Jesse

Jesse is a cofounder of SportsAlcohol.com even though he doesn't care for sports or alcohol. His favorite movie is Ron Howard's The Paper. I think. This is what happens when you don't write your own bio. I know for sure likes pie.

There is a lot of stuff on TV; as diverse as our music and movie and book tastes might be here at SportsAlcohol.com, probably no end-of-year voting offered as many different hours as our collective list of the best TV of 2014. Nearly fifty different shows were mentioned across our ballots, which is something like 500 hours of television, give or take. Yet a clear consensus did emerge, and that was that we pretty much all watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine but don’t quite love it the best. Here, below, is what we do love the best (maybe next year, Samberg).

Continue reading BEST TV OF 2014: OUR TOP TEN