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The Worst Movies of 2022

Jesse is a cofounder of SportsAlcohol.com even though he doesn't care for sports or alcohol. His favorite movie is Ron Howard's The Paper. I think. This is what happens when you don't write your own bio. I know for sure likes pie.

Best Movies of the Year lists seem to pop up earlier and earlier, but you don’t see quite as many Worst of the Year equivalents. I understand why: It seems mean, it flirts with Golden Raspberry-level cluelessness, and it doesn’t seem worth the effort telling people to avoid a few movies they might have already seen (or, as with smaller movies, would probably never come across anyway) rather than telling them to check out any number of gems. And yet: There is something satisfying about rounding up a motley crew of the year’s most annoying, inexplicable, and/or painfully inept cinematic experiences, if only to see where the bad trendlines are headed (and maybe compile some writing that hopefully justified the critic’s investment of time). This year, perhaps owing to my co-hosting a horror movie podcast, I saw plenty of bad horror movies (and this was a very good year for horror in general). I also saw a lot of movies rolling the dice on Get Out-style social commentary, and then watching as the dice skipped down the sidewalk and fell through a sewer grate. So take a look at my least-faves of 2022, check out some writing and podcasts from the past year, and be glad that I left off Resurrection, and see how they compare to 2020 and 2021.
Continue reading The Worst Movies of 2022

Liam Neeson Cosplays Late-Late-Period Clint Eastwood in THE MARKSMAN

Jesse is a cofounder of SportsAlcohol.com even though he doesn't care for sports or alcohol. His favorite movie is Ron Howard's The Paper. I think. This is what happens when you don't write your own bio. I know for sure likes pie.

There is no shortage of Clint Eastwood. He may not star in movies as regularly anymore, but his late-late-period career has featured so many roles that seemed like de facto retirement ceremonies that Gran Torino, Trouble with the Curve, and The Mule feel closer together than they are, spread out over the course of a decade. He has at least one more starring role to go; his movie Cry Macho is due out by the end of 2021. By then, he will be 91. The Mule, his last not-quite-last movie made $100 million in the United States. He is easily the most popular eighty-and-ninetysomething actor and director in Hollywood history.

Yet at some point, very likely in the next five to ten years, Clint Eastwood will no longer make movies. (This is not a prediction of his death, mind. If it’s easy to picture any movie star making it to 110, it’s Clint.) He will leave behind the perception that a certain segment of the moviegoing public really enjoys seeing middle-to-advanced-aged men put younger bad guys in their place. 2009’s Taken, starring Liam Neeson, is generally considered to have kicked off the modern strain of old-man-vengeance thrillers, but Eastwood was there a few weeks earlier with 2008’s Grand Torino, just as big a hit with an even older protagonist. (Neeson was a spry 57 when Taken came out, compared with Eastwood’s 79 at the same time.)
Continue reading Liam Neeson Cosplays Late-Late-Period Clint Eastwood in THE MARKSMAN


Jesse is a cofounder of SportsAlcohol.com even though he doesn't care for sports or alcohol. His favorite movie is Ron Howard's The Paper. I think. This is what happens when you don't write your own bio. I know for sure likes pie.

I have to get this out of the way: I have no idea why Shithouse is titled Shithouse. I mean, technically I know: The title refers to some kind of frat or residence house on or near a Los Angeles college campus where the movie’s two main characters don’t quite meet. It’s the kind of place where, when Alex (Cooper Raiff) asks about where to find a party on a Friday night, and his asshole roommate Sam (Logan Miller) tells him the big one is at Shithouse, Alex asks if there are any other parties available. There are not. 

Alex is not the kind of guy who particularly wants to go to a place called Shithouse and he’s not the type of guy who would name a movie Shithouse. (This apparently sets him apart from the actor playing him, who wrote and directed the film and likely had at least some input on the title.) Maybe that’s the point, in a movie about Alex trying to get out of both his comfort zone and his freshman-year loneliness (turns out, they may be the same thing). But it’s still a strange gesture for the movie to make, if only because it portends a different, more aggressive and maybe dirtbaggy brand of campus comedy, and Shithouse is one of the most sensitive renderings of college insecurity I’ve ever seen.
Continue reading Modern Men: HONEST THIEF and SHITHOUSE

Liam Neeson and The ReNEESONance

Shane is a fan of the finer things in life: white pizza, drumming, and picking up change in the pit. He is not a fan of Rob writing his bio at one in the morning.

The winter brings many bleak and unfavorable things with it: The bitter cold and snow, the terrifying seasonal migration of Mitch McConnell to Alaska (since he’s a vampire, he feeds ravenously on those in places that can have 24 hours of darkness, a la 40 Days Of Night), an unfavorable sports schedule, and an even more unfavorable film schedule. Really, it feels like there’s just nothing good to see or do out there except suck down a thermos full of Wild Turkey and go sledding on the most dangerous hill you can find, hoping that your drunken actions knock you unconscious, saving you from all the boredom (albeit temporarily). But something has changed in recent years, hasn’t it? For we’ve been graced by whatever god or gods you see fit (Since I neither want to offend or debate it) the wonderful specimen known as Liam Neeson. Yes, THAT Liam Neeson, the Irish superhero who has single-handedly defeated what no one in the industry knows as the Daytime TV Slot of the film release calendar. So let us discuss the only man who should be nominated into sainthood for delivering us from this injustice.


Taken. I don’t need to go any further. I mean, I will, but really, I could have just written the title Taken and everyone would have said: “Yeah, no, OK, sounds reasonable, good point, the man made his contribution to society already.” Coming out in 2009 on the appallingly mundane date of Janurary 30th, this little gem sparked the ReNEESONance, a cultural phenomenon Neeson himself has deemed kind enough to indulge nearly ever winter since then. This ReNEESONance, for those of you who haven’t been paying attention, is the sum of Neeson’s efforts to dominate the winter movie season with a yearly dose of ass-kickery, releasing a film somewhere between Janurary through March. The list of cinematic holy grails released post-Taken (2009) reads as follows: Unknown, The Grey, Non-Stop and Taken 3. Of course, the cinematic landscape is riddled with other Neeson centric action movies (Taken 2 was an October release), but we’re here to bow down to the generosity this man has bestowed upon us in a season only skiers and yeti relish.

It’s a scientific non-fact that when Liam Neeson releases an action thriller in the winter, conflicts around the world drop temporarily 40%, most likely due to the number of people who are afraid he’ll beat them up for taking attention away from his film’s premiere. Droughts are suddenly tamed in places his movies open, and Kirk Cameron himself hugs an athiest in the celebration. Neeson’s projects are subject to some Rotten Tomatoes scrutiny (55% for Unknown, 11% for Taken 3), but Neeson is unphased by this, angrily charging headlong into this task, fists clenched like someone kidnapped his movie daughter. The Neeson magic clearly doesn’t work in more hospitable climates: A Walk Among the Tombstones was a respectable pulp thriller that came out last September and got decent reviews, and grossed less than the first weekend of Taken 3. If it’s not January through March, America says NO SALE. Taken 2 was an exception only because the franchise was born during the wintry magic of January.

It is unknown at this time what 2016 will bring for us, but rest assured, he will find a way to re-invade our cinemas sometime in the first quarter. I for one am looking forward to watching him Jason Bourne his way through multitudes of underlings to either save his wife, son or daughter every winter, and it warms the cockles of my heart knowing this will continue indefinitely. As for right now, you can look forward to watching Oskar Schindler wipe the floor with Ed Harris’ goons in Run All Night, directed by Jaume Collet-Serra (Of Non-Stop and Unknown fame). The film was bumped up from April to March, the tail-end of winter, to keep the Neeson dream alive.